31 days of Mia, Day 6.
{This in no way is a reflection on you or your family. It’s about me and my family and what works for us.}
The Cooles rolled into the New Year with this resolution: no playing on your phone in the evening until after the kids are in bed. We’ve since taken on the term “phone stack.” During the week, when Doug and I get home from work, our phones go up on the mantle. They don’t come down until Molly and Mia are down for the night.
Why, you ask?
Since both of us work outside the home, we get a very limited amount of time with the kids in the evening. At most, with Mia, we get two hours. With Molly, we get about three. Doug and I were getting into a bad habit of grabbing our phones to check and answer email (me) and play games (Doug). It started bothering me weeks before I finally put my foot down. Let’s just say Doug didn’t love the idea. And he still doesn’t. But, BUT! I can see such a difference in our interactions with each other and the kids.
We aren’t parenting and asking Molly to do things while we’re looking at a screen. When we say, “5 more minutes,” it isn’t extended to 10 or 15 minutes because we have to finish killing zombies with plants or kill pigs with flying birds and lose track of time. We make eye contact and talk more. We interact more by offering to play games (like real board games) or read books or do puzzles. Before phone stack, we didn’t do those things nearly as often.
As with any rule, there are exceptions:
- If the kids are being irresistibly cute, we can grab our phone to take a picture
- We can FaceTime/Skype with family and friends (Because really? If Harry calls you, you're going to answer the phone. You don't want to miss that cuteness.)
- We can use our phones to play music
More than five months into phone stack, we aren’t as diligent about actually putting our phone on the mantle, although we still follow the rule. In the beginning, Molly wasn’t a fan of phone stack either, because she didn’t get to play on our phones nearly as much. She’s fine with it now, and even enforces the rule. If she sees a phone out, she yells, “Phone stack!” It’s cute and annoying at the same time, being busted by the 3 year old.
We don’t enforce the rule on visitors, although you’re welcome to join in if you’re at our house! Our friend Lauren has been over a few times since phone stack was incorporated. She told me, “Dude, phone stack is hard!” But she’s much too nice (and competitive) to not participate! It is hard in the beginning, but like most things, it just becomes a habit, and I don’t even think about it anymore. (I’m sure Doug would beg to differ and still thinks it’s hard.)
Related to phone stack is the fact that I no longer read or play on my phone while nursing Mia. Around 2-3 months, I don’t remember when it happened exactly, I was checking Facebook while feeding Mia. I glanced down at her and she was looking up at me with the sweetest expression. I felt incredibly guilty that this sweet little baby was nursing and trying to make eye contact with her mama, and there I was reading some dumb article or something on my phone.
At that moment, I decided that when I’m nursing her, that’s all I will do. No phone. No television. No Kindle. Just me and Mia, in a quiet room together. Most of the time, I just stare at her and try to memorize all her sweet little features and how she holds onto the edge of my shirt. Or rubs my arm with her sweet little hand. Or wiggles her toes and rubs her feet together. Or how she falls asleep, but still continues to nurse and grin all at the same time. Other times, I close my eyes and just relax. I’m always so very busy, that the 10-15 minutes I get to just stop and be with Mia, it’s nice to just rest. In a few short months, I won’t be nursing her anymore. I choose to spend the remaining time being as connected to her as possible.
Years from now, we won’t remember our high score on a game, or what someone was tweeting. Hopefully we will remember the way Molly cheats at Slapjack by looking at the card first and then flipping it over right next to her where no one else has the chance to slap it. Because that? That is worth putting our phone down for three hours in the evening. For sure.
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